This Joy’s Life

I’ve collected a few signs that turned my mouth upward a wii bit.

The first is a message that comes up each time you step on your Wii Fit to workout:

Well, I guess that depends on what is meant by “a little different.” Seems to me the last line should probably read: You’d better continue. . . or else. Or else your weight might be “a lot different” next time. In which direction? I guess what happens on the Wii Fit, stays on the Wii Fit.

This next one is from the album of my Facebook friend Robert Vinten:

The Free Press that is not so free. Irony. Can’t define it, but I know it when I see it!

Finally, this one I just saw as I took Clara on a quick wagon ride around the neighborhood:

Dave can dance, dave can jive. Dave can groove??? Right up there with the rest of ‘em!

Currently, you may know, belongs to the present time. It’s sort of like when you are doing something “right now.” Such as a query or search. I’m not sure that it is the best strategy to continue doing something right now when you’ve been told that currently you will not succeed. It’s sort of like banging your head into a brick wall. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me, you know? Wouldn’t you agree? If you do not currently agree. Try to agree at a later time. Or RIGHT NOW.

Since I’m clearly becoming infatuated with signs, I have to share one of my new favorite blogs with you that deals in signs that slaughter the English language like Bulgaria slaughter’s Ken Lee:

GrammarBlog: We’re not neurotic, just correct.

I added a link on the right in the “My Fav Blogs” section and you can see whenever it has a new post. Check it, because it’s great stuff over there!

I noticed when I was updating the labels on my blog that I seem to have a thing going with signs. Here’s a sign pic I got back when Clara was about 6 months old or so and we went to see The Man at Dixie’s BBQ.

When they say “wait in line”, they ain’t just whistling Dixie, either. There is always a line. And when they say the are “not sorry” about the fact that you will always have to wait, they mean that too. But, TheMan more than makes up for it. And his famous sauce? Well, it speaks for itself. Literally. It SCREAMS “hot!” with just a pin drop sized amount. And if you don’t like it? Well, you know where to find McDonald’s.

I can’t define irony, but I know it when I see it. Like in the preaching going on in these bumper stickers. This car was in front of us for about 20 miles as we made our way to Camano Island today for Evan’s first birthday, so I had lots of time to think about it:

In case you can’t read them that well, the first one on the left says, In war there are no unwounded soldiers.:

And on the right, Test your Freedom:

Thank goodness we are a free country so folks can express their opinions and political views on their cars. Wonder how we got that way?

In the famous words of Col. Mustard, I say to the left sticker: You can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs, every cook will tell you that.

“But look what happened to the cook!” was the response to Col. Mustard. Very true. However, though most eggs have no control over the decision to make the omelet, they are well aware that omelets do get made and proud to make that sacrifice if they must for both their omelet and their cook.

It is not a sacrifice to be taken lightly, so here’s hoping that on this 4th of July, none of us takes our omelet for granted.

Oh, wait, what? You thought they were going to make it easy for you? Thought you weren’t going to have to do the math on that, huh? I guess they think you’ll have plenty of time to figure it out as you make your way around the track again and again and again and — how many more times? Or have you gone too far?

Dude, I’m not gonna tell you. You took algebra just like everybody else, so you’re on your own. Time to put that high school education to good use.

I’m kicking myself right now for not taking a picture of the line that weaved its way around the Department of Motor Vehicles’ waiting room and up to the door this weekday morning at 10a.m. It was ridiculous! Does EVERYONE work a flex schedule these days or is unemployment at an all time high?

My wallet was stolen yesterday out of my purse which was sitting in the grocery shopping cart while I bent down to put Clara in the front. It was one of those car carts where the front was a gigantic pink car. In the minute it took me to strap her and her baby doll into it, someone snatched my new yellow Kenneth Cole leather wallet. Poop! As soon as I stood up, I thought that I should never have left my purse sitting there so exposed like that and I’d better check that my wallet was still in it. But, really, I didn’t think it truly could have been stolen in that short amount of time without me seeing it. Boy, was I wrong.

Luckily, there was no cash in it and the ATM and visa card I used were from the same bank, so it just took one quick call using the cell which was, amazingly, still in my purse to get them both canceled just like that. Ha, ha, thieves! I just hope you try to spend $700 at Best Buy only to be told the card is DECLINED!!! Ohhhh, are you disappointed? Boo hoo. Cry me a river.

And so, today, I had the unenjoyable task of waiting with fifty million other people who also had business with the DMV. After about 45 minutes of standing in line, shifting left to right, while reading a Smithsonian magazine I had remembered to grab from the car, I was finally in front of the one of two clerks on duty (out of a seven possible they could have had working but choose not to). Here is what the sign next to each clerk’s station read:

Um, yeah. When your work situation becomes such that seven of these signs placed inches apart become necessary, perhaps it is time to do some soul searching. Could the ratio of one employee to every 100,000 people lead to anarchy among the populous? Could it be the length of time it takes for you to do whatever it is you do before you finally, almost inaudibly, call “next” that increases the (apparently) high chance of you receiving a threat in the near future? Do you think the dour faces and looks of “hurry up for the love of God” from those waiting 45 minutes to an hour for a simple but required piece of plastic will somehow put your public in a less intimidating mood?

I’m just saying. A sign like that isn’t just telling the public something, DMV.

Well, at least my driver’s license picture was pretty good this time.

* * *

UPDATE: Yes, well, um, mmm, so I maybe jumped the gun a little on the “my wallet was stolen” thing. My wallet was definitly not in my purse. But, it’s funny, see, turns out it wasn’t in my purse because I didn’t put it in my purse. Instead, I put it in the stroller pocket and then folded up the stroller and put in the back of the car. So, that’s why it wasn’t in my purse when I got to the grocery store.

Still, it doesn’t change the fact that the DMV has some SERIOUS customer service issues that need to be delt with.

Last night we celebrated Gwen’s 32nd Birthday by going out for drinks, dinner and karaoke in Seattle.

The night began at The Attic Alehouse followed by dinner at The Cactus in Madison Park. As we parked the car, I looked out my passenger side window to see this:

Talk about sending a mixed message! Isn’t that a picture of a dog there? Am I expected to leash my cat and my chinchilla since no dogs are allowed?

If you are ever in Seattle and you like good Mexican food, do be sure to visit one of the Cactus Restaurants. You will not be disappointed! Be sure to wear pants with an elastic waistband, as you will be needing to make space for your muffin top to be free! free at last!

Gwen and Heidi at The Attic Alehouse:
The Girlzzz at The Cactus Restaurant:

After dinner, only Gwen, Carrie and myself were able to continue on to the best little Karaoke joint in town, a Chinese Restaurant in the International District known as Bush Garden. There you can be swindled out of your karaoke songs by the Karaoke host who thinks he’s on American Idol AND that Simon really likes him. So, he keeps telling you how there is not enough time for your song then proceeds to sing Prince’s Kiss which he’s “been working on.”

That, folks, is what being the 1st Place 2001 Washington State Karaoke winner does to you. You forget the little guys, who can’t sing but are still willing to do so in front of drunken crowds at crazy Chinese karaoke bars!

Scott, the 5th Place 2001 Washington State Karaoke winner:

agreed that 1st Place’s ego had really warped him over the years. That was too bad for us. Gwen and I only got to sing Prince’s Little Red Corvette (which we, unfortunately, had not been working on) and White Snake’s “Here I Go Again.”

The rest of the time we had to watch very cliche or weirdly bizarre karaoke videos. The best was the one for Charlene’s “I’ve Never Been To Me.”

Note to self: If ever I need to shoot a low budget karaoke video, do not forget the Ken and Barbie in Clara’s dollhouse. When you are on a budget and you’re all out of real people . . . . reach for an anatomically incorrect plastic doll.

(Dude, that is a great Tag Line!)

I mean, where did the inspiration for that video come from? Do Matel’s Board of Directors frequently “ship” champagne on a yacht? Search me.

There you have it folks – Gwen’s 32nd Birthday Extravaganza!

Hasta La Vista!