Is History Doomed To Repeat Itself? My Life In Haircuts.

I guess it’s about time I learned this lesson. It took a random viewing of MyPictures for me to catch it, but it finally hit me over the head. If you were to look at my life in terms of my hairdos, you could draw the following conclusions:

  1. Commit BBB to memory. Recognizing the general pattern of Bowl-Bob-Bangs/Bowl-Bob-Bangs is the first step to breaking my cycle of bad haircuts.
  2. Right now, I am (yet again) in my “Bang” period.
  3. I really need to find a hairdresser who doesn’t like the idea of me sitting down and saying “Surprise me!”
  4. I really, REALLY need to be shot dead if I EVER say “Surprise me!” to someone coming at my head with scissors again.

I always go back to the same do. After any “new style” I try, I freak out and go right back to it: Long, ideally straightened, often air dried wavy, no bangs, forehead for days. Wore it this way for years growing up. It was a must for any honorable dancer, but oh, so plain Jane. Now I like to think of it as “Classic”. The Classic Joy, I call it.

For some reason, though, I can never leave well enough alone. Let’s take a look at the evidence.

My Life In Haircuts:

1979 – The Bowl

I can’t confirm it but I believe the bowl my mother used to create this do was of the classic Texasware variety. She was without a doubt inspired by Dorothy Hamill to create it on my innocent head.

Dorothy Hamill was known to me first and foremost for her famous haircut. That little gold medal thingy she won in the ’76 Olympics was not brought to my attention until much later. Didn’t change the fact that I hated her for years.

1981 – The Bob

“It will grow.” It’s what people with bad haircuts and their friends say as encouragement when you are a victim. That’s if you’re lucky and they don’t say, “I’ve seen better.” (Chad) when you make the mistake of asking, “What do you think of my haircut?” though you already know the answer.

But, sure enough, it does and it did. This bob doesn’t look too bad, really, even though my hair is so thick as to span the width of my shoulders. “Helmet head” was uttered once or twice during this period, but sticks and stones, dude. “It’ll grow, stupid!”

1984 – The Bangs

Yeah, ok, so it will only grow if you DON’T CUT IT, MOM! She just couldn’t let the Dorothy Hamill idea go. Couldn’t leave well enough alone.

I kissed my first boy (Todd) in Kindergarten. I had a boyfriend (Tom) in first grade. He gave me a Garfield pin that I still have to this day. When I showed up for the first day of 2nd grade with this loverly new mullet, Tom pretended that the summer had given him FULL AMNESIA and never spoke to me again. Needless to say this haircut lead to a dry spell on the boy front that you wouldn’t believe and I’m too embarrassed to talk about further. I HATE YOU DOROTHY HAMILL! And your stupid haircut too!!!!

1985 – The Bowl

Since I couldn’t come to terms with my new found masculinity, I overcompensated by trying too hard to assert my femininity.

1989 – The Big Bang a.k.a. The Poodle

This was completely and utterly my fault. I can’t explain it.

Ok, that’s a lie. I explained it in detail here.


1993 – The Classic Joy

This is about the time I start thinking: Blah, my hair is so boring. I’ve SOOOO do this before.

LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE!

1994 – Back To The Bob

See. Everything turned out just fine.

But, it’s still kind of “been there, done that.”

PLEASE. LEAVE. WELL. ENOUGH. ALONE.

1995 – Revisiting The Bowl

Why? Why, oh why, did I do this to myself all over again?!?!

I’m blaming it on my mom AND Dorothy Hamill even though neither of them were at the hairdresser’s (and therefore can not prove that I said, “Surprise me!”)

At this point, I take it you get the jist. Here’s a snapshot (literally) of haircuts bringing us up to the present. Very little variation on the theme:

2002 – Blond Bob

2003 – Bowl Mullet

2004 – Bob (With A Twist)

2005 – Classic Joy

2008 – The Year Of The Bang

Has this analysis taught us (me) anything?

Lesson learned, Joy?

That remains to be seen.

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