The Catch

Dad is in ICU at Emory, but doing pretty well. He’ll stay there through the weekend and then be moved to a room if all goes according to plan.

I was finally able to come home today for a while to get some real sleep and a good shower. Now I feel I can go back to the hospital and not be the stress case I’ve been of late. It’s amazing the affect stress can have on a personality.

Normally, I’m a middle road kind of gal. That is, although I may not always (or ever, if you ask my husband) take the “high road” in a given situation, I don’t take the low road either. But in the last few days, driving between Marietta (home) and north Atlanta (hosptial) and the hotel near the hospital, I have become the victim of some major road rage (at least for me).

Admittedly, I’m not as laid back as Ferris Beuler’s father when behind the wheel of a car, and I might give a person “what for” when they cut me off, but not in an overly obvious way. And I don’t ride their tail and turn on my brights or flick people off. Unless . . .

Unless, apparently, I’m under a lot of stress. Then, I don’t actually care if you are inconvenienced by my lack of decision making skills on a turn while I’m trying to figure out the closest place to park at the hospital. And if you are going at a snails pace in my lane when I’m trying to make the 5 a.m. visiting hours, you will see my finger. And, believe me, it is a LONG finger (seriously, I can palm a basketball).

I’m also realizing that, when I’m stressed out, little things annoy me to no end. So big things, like the loud and proud country folk in the ICU waiting area next to ours, are especially grating to my nerves and bring out the worst in me.

Please don’t get me wrong, I love country folk – the good kind. The home cooked meal, strong moral character, fun-loving salt-of-the-earth kind. But there are two kinds of country folk, the second of which can be encompassed best by the term “white trash”.

There are ways to identify WT without ever having seen their front yards. You’ll always hear them complaining about how other people have done them wrong. Yet, they never notice how often they do others wrong. I mean, if there is a time for being considerate of the people around you, then the ICU is it. So I don’t want or need to hear about cousin Lamar’s excuses for not coming to the ICU to visit your mah-muh (the excuse was ‘work’, by the way). Or Randy’s excuse (wife’s got to work- admittedly weak) or little Randy’s excuse (also work). And I especially don’t want to hear about it if you are not even talking to me while I’m sitting in a chair looking like a pretzel TRYING TO GET SOME SLEEP!!!

I’m sorry if you’d “be a free man right now if it was up to [you].” Personally, I have serious doubts that you would find that younger woman you actually think is out there waiting for you. I’d love to deliver the message to your wife for you that you’d really like that divorce, but guess what, I’VE GOT OTHER THINGS ON MY MIND, without you infiltrating my thoughts with your unrealistic fantasies.

This, by the way, from the same man who complains that “people” will steal anything from you so you’d “better sleep with you’re mouth closed or they’ll steal your false teeth and you’ll wake up with gum flapping gum.” That’s wisdom even Confucius couldn’t match. (As you can see, a real Catch, ladies, ain’t it too bad he’s taken?)

HEY! PEOPLE! SOME OF US ARE DESPERATELY TRYING SLEEP AND MAINTAIN OUR COOL OVER HERE – SHUTUP!!!

And if one more cell phone goes off with a “Dukes of Hazzard” ring-tone . . . wait, that’s mine. And, wadda-ya-know, TheCatch walked over to let me know he really likes it.

4 Responses to “The Catch”

  1. Sylvana Says:

    I’m really sorry to hear about your dad. I hope that he gets well soon.

    I laughed out loud right at the end of this post! you certainly have a way with a rant!

  2. JoyLuck Says:

    I’m glad I was able to make you laugh out loud. That’s quite a compliment!

    Dad’s still in ICU, but we are hoping he’ll be moved to a room today or tomorrow.

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